Got Wings? (Part I)

I received a staggering 50+ e-mails in response to the red wings ad, so this is the first of several installments of this epic saga. 

Several guys included pictures, which once again made my job a helluva lot easier. I also got a frightening amount of strictly dickly photographs, which I think I'll one day assemble into some sort of penile collage. But until then, enjoy the various gross responses that have been flooding my inbox.

1. "Eddy"

"Hello there my name is eddy i am a 31 yr old single male and i love eating pussy i have been told i am very good at it if you would like to try to hook up with a guy who has rode the red river before let me know i only ask that you come to me i can not travel due to an auto accident i lost my truck it was totaled so if you interested hit me back online or call my cell and we can set something up to due [sic] this"

Haha wow. Ever heard of punctuation, homeslice? Have you ever tried reading a paragraph sans punctuation? It makes it like 5000 times funnier. You need to learn to embrace proper grammar before I'd ever consider "due-ing" anything with you.

2. "T.S"

"Hi, 22, male, white. Sarasota and am interested in earing [sic] my wings, have only done it once, and interested in making it with you."

3. "Danny Boy"

"i [sic] would love to eat you out durring [sic] your period. i [sic] am in town on biz [sic, but we can let it slide as an abbreviation] for the next week get back to me e-mail or call

white guy from nyc [sic]

blue eyes

6'3

155"

Spelling errors are such a turn-off. You would think losers who have nothing better to do than troll the internet would at least have refined their spelling. 

4. "Jack"

"Yeah, I'm willing to help you fulfill your desire. Pussy tastes good to me anyway it comes."

My good friend really appreciated the pun in this one.

5. "Travis"

"Red wings happen to be my specialty...:) 26 wm....email me back for more details on ur [sic] fantasy cumming true..

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry"

I know the second part is an automated service that probably just attaches itself to e-mails when you send it from your phone, but you know that guy feels like such a fucking pimp every time he sends one of those. Ugh, a red wing specialist. Grody. His mother must be so proud.

And finally, the illustration du jour:

This is "J" who bears a slight resemblance to Owen Wilson.

(Medium: Pen and ink with Photoshop coloration)

In case you can't read the text:

"I saw your craigslist ad and thought id [sick] drop a line. I love to give oral, time of month is not a problem to me :P Ive [sic] included smoe [sic] pictures, hope we can talk! 

- J" 

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. 

To be continued...