Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Got Wings? (Part I)

I received a staggering 50+ e-mails in response to the red wings ad, so this is the first of several installments of this epic saga. 

Several guys included pictures, which once again made my job a helluva lot easier. I also got a frightening amount of strictly dickly photographs, which I think I'll one day assemble into some sort of penile collage. But until then, enjoy the various gross responses that have been flooding my inbox.

1. "Eddy"
"Hello there my name is eddy i am a 31 yr old single male and i love eating pussy i have been told i am very good at it if you would like to try to hook up with a guy who has rode the red river before let me know i only ask that you come to me i can not travel due to an auto accident i lost my truck it was totaled so if you interested hit me back online or call my cell and we can set something up to due [sic] this"

Haha wow. Ever heard of punctuation, homeslice? Have you ever tried reading a paragraph sans punctuation? It makes it like 5000 times funnier. You need to learn to embrace proper grammar before I'd ever consider "due-ing" anything with you.

2. "T.S"
"Hi, 22, male, white. Sarasota and am interested in earing [sic] my wings, have only done it once, and interested in making it with you."

3. "Danny Boy"
"i [sic] would love to eat you out durring [sic] your period. i [sic] am in town on biz [sic, but we can let it slide as an abbreviation] for the next week get back to me e-mail or call
white guy from nyc [sic]
blue eyes

Spelling errors are such a turn-off. You would think losers who have nothing better to do than troll the internet would at least have refined their spelling. 

4. "Jack"
"Yeah, I'm willing to help you fulfill your desire. Pussy tastes good to me anyway it comes."

My good friend really appreciated the pun in this one.

5. "Travis"
"Red wings happen to be my specialty...:) 26 wm....email me back for more details on ur [sic] fantasy cumming true..
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry"

I know the second part is an automated service that probably just attaches itself to e-mails when you send it from your phone, but you know that guy feels like such a fucking pimp every time he sends one of those. Ugh, a red wing specialist. Grody. His mother must be so proud.

And finally, the illustration du jour:
This is "J" who bears a slight resemblance to Owen Wilson.
(Medium: Pen and ink with Photoshop coloration)

In case you can't read the text:
"I saw your craigslist ad and thought id [sick] drop a line. I love to give oral, time of month is not a problem to me :P Ive [sic] included smoe [sic] pictures, hope we can talk! 
- J" 

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. 
To be continued...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Who wants to earn their "red wings"?

Okay so after some collaboration with my good friend, we devised the next post we'd make on Craigslist. It was time to venture into the w4m section because it was pretty obvious that that was going to generate a greater number of responses. But, obviously we couldn't just put up some boring ass generic ad, we needed to look deep into our souls to devise an ad so disgusting, that there was no way any (sane) guy would respond. This was what we came up with:

Looking to Earn Your Wings? - w4m - 25
"I'm a 5'5" 120 lb brunette with 34D's who's always dreamed of being eaten out while on her period. Have any guys out there been eager to go out and earn their "red wings"? I'm more than willing to reciprocate for making my fantasy come true... D/D only please. Time of month is non-negotiable. ;-)"

Provocative? Yes. Lewd? Yes. Witty? A little I think with that "time of month non-negotiable" bit. Disgusting as all hell? YES.

Without being too graphic to post, we felt that we had come up with a thoroughly repulsive request. Call me a prude, but I don't think any action downtown is acceptable during your period. It's all gross and just blecch. Just take a break from the sex and attending to the lady needs and give your boyfriend a week of blowjobs. He'll love you a lot more for it.

So the ad has been placed and we wait to see what volume of responses we will receive from this vile post. (SPOILER! (As the ad's already been up for a couple of days and my Inbox has been getting bombarded like whoa)) It's a lot more than you'd expect... /SPOILER!)

To Be Continued... But first, I leave you with my Red Wing inspired cartoonery:

Aww look how hungry the lil' fella is!
(Medium: Red and black ballpoint pen in sketchbook)

Stay tuned for the hilarious slew of replies to follow!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Score One for the Ladies!

Okay there's faith for the female race yet, because even though I know there are girls out there who have such a low opinion of themselves that they will degrade themselves for a marginally attractive, over-confident, asshole guy, they don't do it through Craigslist!

It's pretty clear when you examine the amount of posts by men versus women that men are the ones who are more often trolling the boards looking for love because a girl can go out to any back and find some guy to buy her drinks/take her home/whatever she wants. So, since a w4m ad is more of a rarity (Both of my previous posts are already so buried with the influx of new creepy m4w ads that there's a slim chance that even if there's a female on the boards, she won't bother scrolling down to my posts), I'm going to roll with a few w4m ad's to see what kind of response it will generate. 

Obviously, a generic ad would be eaten up by the throngs of desperate men trolling the Craigs, so we're going to come up with some of the most foul things we can think of to see if there are men out there willing to respond and do whatever gross task we come up with. The scary thing is, I'm pretty sure the kinds of men who are on here to begin with are desperate enough to cater to whatever freaky fetish we request.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Inspired by Tucker Max and Scuba (for Lisa)

One of the guys I work with known as Scuba always tells a joke about how a girl with low self-esteem is "the gift that keeps on giving." Per request of my pal Lisa, and inspired by the writings of Tucker Max, I present to you: 

"Looking for a Hot Girl with Low Self-Esteem -  m4w - 34"

"Hello Ladies, I'm a handsome, wealthy, successful businessman who wants to see if the old adage is true: Is a hot chick with low self-esteem really the gift that keeps on giving? I'm not going to treat you like a queen or tell you I love you, but I want you to worship the ground I walk on and cater to my every need in the bedroom. In return, you will get to enjoy my lavish lifestyle and have the privilege of being seen around town with me. Ages 21-29 only, must be HOT, at least a 9 or a 10: no fat chicks!"

If some girl legitimately replies to this advertisement, then the female gender has been set back at least 50 years. The scary thing is, I already know there are girls who operate like this out there, it's just a wonder if they use Craigslist to fill the void in their life...

I Wanna Pee on U

I put up the first post, "Golden Boy" a couple of nights ago, and lo and behold, there were two e-mails waiting in my inbox the very next morning! One of the messages was from one of those escort spammers, but the other appears to be completely legit! Best part? It was from an old dude who looks like he could be one of my friends' dads! But, I posted in m4W! What are you doing you creepy pervert?

Anyway, without further adieu, meet "Tom":

"how about i piss on you? nothin i like more than unzippin my pants, pullin out my big dick and pissin all over you. send me a pic. here's one of me."

Charming fellow, isn't he?
(Medium: Pen and Ink on Sketchbook with Photoshop coloration)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

First Post

Warning: Obviously the contents of this blog are not for the faint of heart. So if you're prudish, sod off now. 

Both my best friend and sister suggested that I do a "Golden Shower" themed post, so without further adieu, for your casual pleasure, I present to you "Golden Boy."

GOLDEN BOY - m4w - 27


Under construction...

The site is still very much under construction, but stay tuned for a most interesting case study on one of the most popular Classifieds utilized on the world wide web. 

One particular portion of the site that has always intrigued me is "Casual Encounters." There you will find one of the raunchiest requests for no-strings-attached (known as NSA) rendezvous', fetishes and pretty much anything else you can think of. Some even include genitalia photography! But, I've always wondered... does anyone ever respond to these ads?

Behold, the Craigslist Experiment. I will post several different types of posts in the Casual Encounters section, in different demographics with varying degrees of raunchiness, and see if any of the ad's generate a response.  I will chronicle the results here via prose and illustrations, with my own renditions of what these people look like, based on my own personal intuitions. I will also examine the posts by other people and try to understand the thought process behind Casual Encounters and research whether or not human sexuality has really been reduced to such an informal ritual.